The Hawks Chapter 8
Differences
Shadow tried yet again to empty
his mind as Corrin had taught him, only to have yet another day’s
frustrating training with the sword come into it. Shaking his head he
admitted defeat as he opened his eyes to find Corrin staring at
him.
"Not having luck meditating today?"
"No."
"Is
anything bothering you?" Corrin asked, looking down at the boy, noticing
he had been having trouble a lot lately.
Shadow shook his head but
avoided Corrin’s eyes. Corrin wondered what could be bothering the boy,
but decided to let it alone for the time being, knowing Shadow would tell
him eventually.
"Well you are new to this. It takes time.
Eventually, you will be able to do it in a instant."
"But it isn’t
new. I did it as a priest everyday." Shadow said, frustrated.
"Ah,
but that is very different. Whether you realized it or not, all you
priests have Mith helping you for that. Also, those meditations were just
to become one with your goddess, not to do anything other than that. A
meditation of being, if you will. Now you are trying to focus your mind
and magic together, something that is very difficult. You have
determination to help you do this, it just takes practice. You have come a
long way in the three months since you got here."
"I know, but I
hate to fail at something. I want to get it right."
"Well, if you
get yourself worked up about it you will fail." Corrin said as he sat down
on a stool a crossed from the boy.
"Tomorrow’s day off will do you
some good, I think. Don’t try to meditate tonight, just enjoy some free
time. I imagine it will help in the long run. What are you two love birds
doing tomorrow?."
"We are going into Wintermoon. The incense I
ordered has been made, other than that I don’t know."
"Well, at
least you two will not be staying in bed all day again,." Corrin said with
a grin as Shadow blushed red. "Well go on home for today. You have worked
hard enough this week; you deserve a little extra break. I promise to work
you even harder when you come back, ok?"
"Thank you Corrin," Shadow
said as he got up.
"Your welcome now get," the old man said with a
wave.
Shadow laughed and walked out of the workroom. He decided to
head toward the hot springs since he knew Sunhawk would still be training,
and he knew that they would probably be empty right now. Before long he
was up to his neck in hot water. With a sigh his body began to relax, even
though his mind did not. He couldn’t understand why he was having so much
trouble in sword practice. His mind knew what to do, but his body would
not respond the way it should. No matter what he tried he continued to
fail. He didn’t want to disappoint Sunhawk and it irritated him that his
body wouldn’t obey him.
He felt his muscles begin to tense at his
frustrating thoughts and he remembered what Corrin had said. Obsessing
about it wouldn’t help, so he tried to think of something else. His mind
enviably wondered to Sunhawk. Shadow tried to build an image of the golden
Captain in his mind as he felt his muscles relax and a stirring in his
lower body. He let his mind wonder over his lover’s body as his hand began
to encourage the growing erection under the warm spring water. Slowly at
first, but gradually with more speed and pressure, Shadow pleasured his
now throbbing cock as he thought of Sunhawk’s voice and body. His mind
moved from the static form to the thoughts of his many nights in Sunhawk’s
bed. Before long Shadow let out a gasp of pleasure as he spent himself in
the warm waters. Closing his eyes, he blushed red at thoughts of what he
had just done in a public area, although he could now say that his
training problems were far from his thoughts. He got out of the water and
dried off completely before getting dressed, deciding to head for the
kitchens and visit Gretch.
It was freezing out as he hurried on to
the kitchens, huddling inside his thick coat and hood. So intent on
reaching the warmth of the kitchen he bumped into a very large, muscular
man. Shadow looked up to apologize when he felt a large hand roughly grab
his shoulder. The completely bald man looked angry as he gazed down at
Shadow.
"Ah, it’s the Captain’s little toy. I wonder if your little
ass has dulled Sunhawk’s wits. I have never heard of a real leader that
likes to play around with little boys," snarled the man, his hands
bruising Shadow through his thick coat.
"Let him go Var. Now!"
Barked Sunhawk’s voice behind the man.
The bald man let go of
Shadow and turned to face the angry Sunhawk. Shadow backed away from the
man and looked around him to see Sunhawk firmly standing not ten feet away
in the blowing snow, not far from the kitchen door.
"Shadow has
nothing to do with my decision, Var. If you had come to the Hawks last
year my answer would be the same. Ariel is my second. It doesn’t matter
how many years you served with the Rose band as a second, I still wouldn’t
put you in that position. My men don’t know or trust you yet, and neither
do I. Assaulting a noncombatant only strengthens my resolve in this
issue."
"What, because I touched your little whore? What? You’re
going kick me out? We both know you can’t beat me up." the man
sneered.
By now a crowd had formed around the two and Shadow found
Ariel next to him. Var’s words to Shadow quickly spread around the crowd,
and bets began to be set on how much of Var would be left after Sunhawk
was through with him.
Shadow made to go to Sunhawk, but Ariel’s
light touch stopped him. Ariel leaned down next to Shadow.
"You
can’t stop it. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with
discipline and order. Sunhawk must maintain the respect of the men." Ariel
whispered in Shadow’s ear.
"Draw your sword Var. It is lesson
time." Sunhawk said coldly, his eyes hard and
uncompromising.
Shadow closed his eyes but could not close his ears
to the clanging of the swords as they met, or the talk of the
crowd.
"Get up Var," barked Sunhawk.
Shadow opened his eyes
to see the man on the ground, blood soaking through his arm sleeve. The
man rose with a jump, attacking Sunhawk at full force. Sunhawk quickly
blocked, and before Shadow could even register what had happened Var lay
in the snow. Again and again Sunhawk put the now panting man down, only to
demand he get back up again.
Shadow wanted nothing more than to run
away from the sight before him. Sunhawk seemed almost a different man,
with a cold voice that ripped through Shadow’s mind and the eyes of a
predator. This was the part of Sunhawk he had yet to see, the face of the
mercenary captain who killed for a living. Logically, Shadow had known
this, but watching this side of the man he loved rocked Shadow. He now
realized there was a part of Sunhawk that he could never know, or even
understand.
"Kelas," Sunhawk said in a cold voice that cut through
the crowd, once it was obvious that Var was unable to get up
anymore.
Kelas walked over to the man bleeding in the snow. After a
quick look at him Kelas looked up at Sunhawk.
"He will live. Hey
Joel come over here and help me carry him back to the
enclave."
Sunhawk nodded and looked up at the crowd. Suddenly the
men began to leave, realizing that the show was over and not wanting to
attract the attention of the irate Captain. When only Shadow and Ariel
remained, Sunhawk walked over to them.
"Are you alright?" Sunhawk
asked in a cool voice.
Shadow nodded, not looking up into Sunhawk’s
eyes.
"Well let’s get inside, it is freezing out here and standing
around doing nothing while you fight does nothing to warm a man. Ariel
said lightly, walking towards the mess hall.
Shadow stood still,
looking at the bloody snow until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking
up he saw a cold mask covering Sunhawk’s face, and for a moment Shadow
didn’t recognize the man before him.
"Go inside and get something
to eat. I will see you at home in a little bit."
Before Shadow
could answer Sunhawk walked away, leaving him standing in the snow. Shadow
walked into the kitchen to be enveloped in Gretch’s wide
embrace.
"You ok? Did Var hurt you? It is a good thing Sunhawk was
looking for you, since Kelas told him you had left your lessons early.
Come on in, I have some of those meat pastries you like." Gretch babbled
as she led Shadow over to an empty work tables by the fire.
Shadow sat
by the fire shivering from the cold of being outside after a hot bath, but
also from the cold of Sunhawk’s eyes. Before long, Gretch had set a plate
of food and a large mug of tea before Shadow, but when the boy didn’t eat
she looked closely at him. Sitting down across from Shadow she
sighed.
"That is the first time you’ve seen Sunhawk really fight,
isn’t it? You met up with him after the last campaign was over. I always
wondered how a priest of Mith could ever be with a mercenary,." Gretch
said as she looked at the unusually quiet boy.
"No I have never
seen him fight, but it isn’t the fact he was hurting Var. He seemed
different than normal, changed somehow. Cold. Hard." Shadow said quietly
after a while, still not looking up.
"Of course he changes when he
fights. He has to. Think about it; he kills for a living. Most of the time
they are soldiers like Var, but sometimes they are just citizens that get
in the way. Sunhawk doesn’t usually take jobs where they have to kill a
lot of women and children, but in war that happens no matter how hard you
try. The very best learn that emotions have no place on the battlefield,
they can get you killed. Every time he picks up a sword or is in a
campaign he has to bury his emotions so he can do his job.
“That
cold hardness you see protects him and lets him do his job right. Sunhawk
is unusual in the fact that he isn’t like that all the time, only when he
fights. Most mercenariesy that have been in as long as Sunhawk are like
that all the time, their humanity is all but gone. They are respected, but
not loved by their men. That is what makes Sunhawk different, because he
still has his humanity. If he didn’t, he would be like Var. That is what
makes the Hawks so unique. It is also what makes him able to love you."
"That part of him I will never be able to understand Gretch. That
worries me."
"Just like Sunhawk’s fear of your magic," Gretch said
with a knowing look.
"How did you know...?”
"Everyone knows
about Sunhawk’s dislike of magic and religion."
"You are right
Gretch, both of us have parts that are incomprehensible to the other. Now
I know a little of what Sunhawk must feel each time I use my magic. I
guess it is something we both must learn to accept about each
other."
"Eat now Shadow, and then go home, Sunhawk will be waiting
for you.," Gretch said as she patted Shadow’s hand. "You two will work
through it, I know you will."
"Thank you Gretch."
"You’re
welcome, now eat, before it get’s cold."
Shadow nodded, and before
long he had inhaled all the food set before him. He left the kitchen with
a wave to Gretch and headed for home. Despite Gretch’s words Shadow was
worried. If Sunhawk was still changed into the cold hard mercenary, he
didn’t know what to do. It was a part of Sunhawk that he still needed to
come to terms with, but didn’t know how to deal with. Offering up a prayer
to Mith, he entered the house to find Sunhawk sitting by the fire, carving
his statue. When he looked up, Shadow was relieved to see the same old
Sunhawk looking at him.
"What, did Gretch stuff you completely? I
was wondering if I would have to go looking for you again." Sunhawk said
as he rose and embraced Shadow.
Shadow pulled Sunhawk closer to him
and buried his face into Sunhawk’s chest, shaking a little. So many things
seemed to be going wrong lately. The stress of his failing sword work, his
now inability to meditate, and now Sunhawk’s other personality were just
too much for Shadow. Looking up at Sunhawk for a moment he pulled the
large man down to kiss him.
Looking into the watery silver eyes he
knew for certain now that Shadow wasn’t ok, but was unsure of what to do
to help him. Shadow had seen the part of him that always made him stay
away from relationships. Yet he knew he couldn’t change that part of him
unless he quit being a mercenary, and even then it would still be a part
of who he was, just not an active part.
"Love me," Shadow
whispered softly in Sunhawk’s ear.
Sunhawk continued to kiss
Shadow, gently undressing the boy, sensing above all else the boy needed a
soft touch. Sunhawk led the boy to the bedroom, where he continued to
softly kiss and run his hands over Shadow’s body. His mouth trailed gentle
kisses down the boy’s soft chest until he reached the erect manhood
waiting for attention. Teasingly he licked the slim organ as it twitched
before he engulfed the boy entirely in his mouth.
"Yes, please
Sunhawk, make me come," gasped Shadow as his fingers tangled into
Sunhawk’s golden hair. His slim hips thrusting slightly into the Captain’s
hot mouth.
Sunhawk increased his sucking, and moving his tongue against
the boy soon brought him over the edge filling the Captains’s mouth
full.
Sunhawk released Shadow and moved up to lay next to him,
feeling unwilling to demand any attention for his own throbbing organ.
Shadow looked over at his partner and gently pushed him to his back.
Without a word he climbed onto Sunhawk and buried the hard organ deep
inside of him.
"Shadow, yes," Sunhawk hissed at the pleasure that
engulfed him.
Sunhawk looked up at Shadow as he slowly rocked on
the hard Captain. Sunhawk put his hands on the boys’s hips, gently guiding
him as Shadow looked down at him, his silver eyes no longer filled with
tears. Sunhawk became trapped once again by his eyes and lost himself
within the pleasure coursing through him.
"Come for me, love,"
Shadow said as he continued to look into the Captain’s eyes.
As if
on command Sunhawk growled out his release, gripping Shadow’s hips tightly
as he thrust up into the hot tunnel gripping him. Shadow leaned down to
nibble on the panting Captain’s exposed throat before finally laying
curled up next to him.
Both men remained quiet for a time, not knowing
what to say to each other. Sunhawk picked up the end of Shadow’s braid and
began to undo it, wanting to see his hair unbound.
"I am sorry
about today, but ..." Sunhawk stopped, unsure of how to
continue.
"It is ok sort of. Gretch pointed out to me that you feel
the same way about my magic. That both of us have parts that the other
doesn’t understand. It is just, I guess it just hit me I have been having
trouble meditating and .... I am sorry I didn’t tell you, but I have been
having trouble in sword practice. I just don’t want to disappoint you. But
I just feel right now everything is going wrong,." Shadow said,
depressed.
"Shadow you are good at defense, way better than any
beginner. You are better than Kelas and Trent both. If it weren’t for this
feeling that you need to know more you would be fine. I don’t know, maybe
it is because I am paranoid that I might lose you. Ariel and I have
talked; you just need to work on your defense so it is as good as you can
get it for right now. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.
“Everyone goes through times where nothing goes right, but
eventually things will work themselves out,." Sunhawk said, trying to
cheer Shadow up.
"I guess you are right, but I don’t like to fail,
Sunhawk. I also do not want to disappoint you either."
"You are
not, Shadow. Believe me I know you are trying your hardest and that is all
I can ask of you."
Sunhawk stroked Shadow’s unbound hair as both
men remained quiet. Both of them leaving unsaid the problems of magic and
personality shifts that bothered both of them.
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