The Hawks Chapter 14
Coming Home
"We’ll be there soon,"
Kelas said, looking up at Shadow’s tense face as he rode his horse next to
the wagon.
"I know, the battle should be over soon," Shadow said
softly as he looked out into the distance, wondering what Sunhawk was
doing.
The closer they got to the battlefield and Sunhawk, the
more the tension built inside of him. It had been almost three days since
Sunhawk and the main force had broken off from the support units and
headed to where the enemy troops had held up to make their last stand.
Shadow with his fellow healers and a small detachment of soldiers followed
behind with their slow plodding wagons to meet up with the main force
after the main battle. During those long three days all Shadow could think
about was the promise between him and Sunhawk.
"It probably is
already. The messenger that came in this morning said that Sunhawk planned
on engaging them right before daybreak. We would have been there already
if we hadn’t been attacked twice," Kelas said.
"Now I know why
everyone has to be trained in the Hawks. I would have never imagined
seeing you kill someone Kelas," Shadow said, looking down at the thin
lanky healer.
"Well I don’t have the same problems you do, since
I’m just a regular guy with no magic or gods interfering with me. I don’t
like it, but when it comes down to it I would rather the enemy be dead
than me. You held off your own attackers really well with that staff of
yours. Did Sunhawk show you how to use it?" Kelas asked curiously, hoping
to distract the boy from what was bothering him.
"No, I just did
what felt natural. I think I used a lot of what I learned from sword work
and applied it the staff. Honestly it almost felt like the staff was
guiding me," Shadow answered.
"Sunhawk said it had a weird history,
but I guess it likes you," Kelas replied.
"Yeah I think it is going
to work out well. Isn’t that a messenger?" Shadow asked as a horse
appeared on the horizon.
Kelas and Shadow watched as the horse
pulled to a stop in front of Marissa and talked for a few moments before
she broke off and headed her horse back to where Kelas was.
"Battle
just ended. We won, but there are numerous casualties so we need to pick
up the pace. Only two of the men you trained to be field medics after the
battle are still functioning right now. One died and the others are out
with injuries. Sunhawk and a group are rounding up the stragglers right
now but we need to keep an eye out since a rather large group retreated
and might choose to attack," Marissa reported.
"How far?" Kelas
asked, looking up at the sun.
"Two miles or so. Kent will lead us
there," Marissa said.
Kelas nodded and pushed the wagon to a faster
pace to keep up with the others. It wasn’t long before they arrived at the
battle field. Shadow jumped off of his horse, tying it the wagon before
going out to the line of wounded brought out of the field by the men.
Kelas was ahead of him, already looking over the wounded as the rest of
the healers followed. By the time they had finished triage, three of the
healers’ tents had been erected as Kelas and Shadow began their work.
Shadow was relieved when the stream of patients ended without him
having to use his magic in any serious way. Looking over he saw Kelas
finish up stitching a man together and walked over to him.
"That
didn’t take as long as Soothbay did," Shadow said softly.
"That’s
because we are only taking care of our own and not three different
companies. Also, sieges are different; we are active all through the siege
where people are brought in as soon as they are injured. Since there
aren’t any enemy soldiers until the walls fall, field medics can bring the
wounded to us. During an open battle there isn’t the luxury of pulling men
out of the battlefield until it is over, so a lot of the men simply don’t
make it," Kelas said seriously.
"I never thought about it. How
many didn’t make it?" Shadow asked.
"I don’t know yet. The sub
commanders are responsible for accounting for their men and will report it
to Sunhawk or you since you are the secretary. That will not happen until
late tonight or tomorrow since Sunhawk is still out hunting and you have
been occupied with your healing duties. Which I now discharge you from so
you can start your secretary job. We can handle it from here," Kelas said,
looking over at the boy.
Shadow nodded and left the tent, feeling a
tension build in him as he cleaned up from his healing work. He had
thought that Sunhawk would be back by the time he had finished his healing
duties but he wasn’t. While he had been working he had been able to forget
about seeing Sunhawk and the promise he had made the large captain make to
him. Now that his mind was not filled with his patients the anxious
feeling of dealing with the other Sunhawk had returned. He also couldn’t
help but worry as the darkening sky signaled the fall of night and Sunhawk
still was out chasing soldiers in the dark, which in Shadow’s opinion was
far more dangerous. He wanted Sunhawk back and safe but he was also
anxious about what would happen between them when he returned.
Big
bon fires filled the darkening sky as the soldiers continued to clean up
the battlefield. As Shadow looked out in the ghastly field stained red
with blood and bodies he felt someone approach, turning he saw Ariel’s
lanky form walk up next to him.
"The command tent is set up. I
assume Kelas has dismissed you?" Ariel asked.
Shadow nodded, tearing
his gaze off the battlefield to look up at the man.
"Well let’s
get to work then," Ariel said as he guided Shadow to the command tent that
was already filled with sub commanders.
For the next hour Shadow
began to fill out causality reports, as Ariel set up patrol and sentry
duties. Shadow listened to the list of the dead, writing down their names
as each sub commander reported which of their men had died or been
injured. Looking at the list of names of people, some of which he knew, he
couldn’t help but feel saddened by the reality of what the Hawks really
where and how dangerous their job really was.
"Well that’s it for
tonight," Ariel said after everyone had left. "We’ll have to finish
cleaning up tomorrow since it’s getting too dark and the men are
exhausted."
"I’ve finished up the casualty reports as
well."
"That’s good, the only thing that I can think of left to do
is. . . " Ariel started, but stopped when the tent flap rustled as Sunhawk
entered.
Shadow looked up to see the mercenary captain standing in
the doorway covered in dirt and blood. Shadow trembled a little but then
shook his head and looked over at the surprised Ariel.
"Ariel,
let’s take care of it tomorrow ok?"
"But. . ." Ariel said looking
worriedly between Sunhawk and Shadow.
"Don’t’ worry,"
"Get
out," Sunhawk said softly, his golden eyes moving to his seconded in
command.
Ariel looked at his captain hesitantly, wondering if he should
leave, but the cold glint in those eyes persuaded him that he should.
Ariel looked over at Shadow briefly before walking stiffly passed the
Captain and out of the tent.
Shadow looked at Sunhawk, trying to
find some part of the man he loved inside the cold menacing man in front
of him. They looked the same, yet the cold aura around this Sunhawk seemed
to almost freeze Shadow. Sunhawk watched him unblinkingly with those dead
eyes until Shadow moved from behind the table to walk slowly over to the
man.
Sunhawk grabbed him roughly when he approached and Shadow
couldn’t help but wince at the pain of the large hand clamping down on his
thin wrist. Without thinking about it he pushed himself against Sunhawk,
totally ignoring the dried blood and grim covering the man. He wrapped his
free arm around the man’s lean waist, pulling as close as he could to
Sunhawk. Although Shadow couldn’t help but be afraid of the man he was
holding he also knew that fear wouldn’t help him. This man, despite his
cold demeanor, was Sunhawk and Shadow knew that Sunhawk would never really
hurt him, of that he was sure of.
"Wait, lets clean you up first.
It has to be uncomfortable for you to be so dirty," Shadow said with a
small tremble in his voice when he felt Sunhawk pull away from him and try
to pull him to the bed.
He felt the hand loosen slightly on his
wrist, although Sunhawk remained quiet. Shadow moved over to a stool
followed by the silent man still holding his wrist. Pushing the man down
he looked down at his wrist still trapped within the large, blood covered
hand.
"I have to get some water," Shadow said softly, and his wrist
was released.
As he grabbed the needed supplies he had to wonder
what would make Sunhawk be this way. He had to thought a lot in the last
three days about what the man truly felt when he picked up a sword and how
it made him become such a strange, violent man. Shadow noticed that the
eerily cold eyes followed him as he moved around the tent, as if he were
some prey that might flee. Silently Shadow continued to tell himself that
this was Sunhawk, the man he loved and there was nothing to fear from
him.
Moving over to Sunhawk he tugged at the bloody shirt, pulling
it up over Sunhawk’s head before beginning to wash off the blood and dirt.
Despite the cool aura surrounding the man he remained still as Shadow
worked on his body, gently cleaning away the traces of the battle. As he
worked in silence on Sunhawk’s chest hise mind went back to the horrible
sight of the battlefield and the dead. He couldn’t understand or even
truly imagine what went on during the fighting, or what went through
Sunhawk’s mind. The small skirmish he had been through that day when
enemies had attacked could not even compare to what Sunhawk went through
each time he went into battle.
"I’m glad you came back, I was
worried when it started to get late. I was afraid you might stay out all
night," Shadow said softly as he moved around to the large
back.
Sunhawk remained silent but strangely as the minutes slipped by
Shadow began to feel himself relax more. The familiar skin under his hands
and scent of Sunhawk’s body near him soothed him. The very fact that
Sunhawk didn’t attack him but let Shadow clean off the traces of the
battle made the young priest believe that despite the cold, fierce aura
something still remained of the Sunhawk he loved.
His fear had
almost disappeared when he moved around to the front of the man, amazed
that under all the blood and dirt there was not one wound on the Captain’s
body. When he looked into Sunhawk’s face he noticed that it had softened
some and didn’t seem as terrifyingly cold.
Sunhawk’s hand reached
out and grabbed Shadow as he stood and pulled the young healer over to
their bed. Shadow was surprised by the swift shift in Sunhawk’s actions
but felt no fear as Sunhawk pushed him down onto the bed. Looking up at
Sunhawk wide eyed Shadow watched as the Captain removed his pants and
joined him in the bed, his arousal clearly visible by the glowing candle
light.
Shadow instinctively let his arms wrap around Sunhawk,
pulling close to the man as he felt hands removing his clothes. Closing
his eyes Shadow felt a sense of relief wash over him as the same gentle
hands removed his clothing from his body without violence. He felt
Sunhawk’s calloused hands that were so very warm and familiar brush up
against his skin, making him tremble not in fear but desire. Opening his
eyes he saw Sunhawk’s golden muscular body hovering above his own, his
golden hair surrounding his expressionless face. The healer raised his
hand, cupping the stern familiar face in his cool hand for a moment,
smiling up the man above him. Shadow pulled the man down to him, kissing
him as he felt Sunhawk guide his hard organ into him.
The healer
gasped a little in surprise at Sunhawk’s sudden entry, arching slightly
against the man, pressing down on him, as his nails dug into Sunhawk’s
back. He felt Sunhawk stop his acquisition of his body to look down at him
with a hint of concern touching is face.
"Sorry," Sunhawk’s said,
his voice dry and raspy.
With a smile Shadow pushed the man off of
him to his back before climbing on the surprised man, impaling himself on
the hard shaft. Sunhawk growled in pleasure, his hands grasping the lean
hips of the young man as he slowly moved on the thick member impaling him.
Shadow guided one of the hot hands off of his waist to his aching member
as he watched Sunhawk’s face fill with more and more emotions.
"Shadow," moaned Sunhawk as the young priest increased his
rhythm.
When Shadow heard his name called by the man who only minutes
ago seemed so expressionless combined with the tingling sensations
coursing through his body sent Shadow over the edge. Crying out he felt
his passion reach its peak in the warm hand working so gently on him, as
he felt Sunhawk growling his own release.
Shadow felt Sunhawk pull
him down on top of him to kiss his forehead as a hand stroked his hair. By
the time Shadow had finally calmed down a little he looked up to find
Sunhawk sleeping peacefully. Yawning, Shadow slid off of Sunhawk, curling
next to the man, surprisingly content.
Sunhawk
looked down at the sleeping boy next to him with relief. It was still dark
but Sunhawk knew the sun would be rising soon. He vaguely remembered
Shadow cleaning him up but very little else. Still, Shadow was snuggled up
close to him when he had awakened, making Sunhawk believe that he had been
successful in controlling himself the previous night. Shaking the boy
awake he got up to retrieve clothes for both of them.
"What time is
it?" Shadow said with a yawn.
"It’s about a candle mark before dawn
but I thought we might want to talk before work invaded," Sunhawk said as
he brought over some clothes.
"I think I would rather sleep,"
Shadow said, laying back down on his belly, clutching his pillow with a
yawn.
"Shadow?" Sunhawk asked.
"What?" Shadow mumbled in his
pillow.
"Is everything ok?"
"You mean you don’t remember?"
Shadow asked, looking up at the worried Captain standing over
him.
"No, not really.’
"You weren’t yourself, but you didn’t
hurt me either. Sunhawk I was thinking about it last night. I don’t have
any real concept of what you go through out there on the battlefield,"
Shadow said sitting up.
"Don’t even think about it. I don’t want
you to," Sunhawk said, sitting down next to Shadow.
"That’s not
what I was getting at Sunhawk. There is no way I could fight on a
battlefield or even really come close to that reality. Looking out into
the field yesterday it made me realize that. Sunhawk your mind set has to
be different for that kind of work, it’s just that you have difficulties
shifting from one mind set to another," Shadow explained.
"That’s
what worries me. That I might do something bad to you by coming here
before I have my head on straight. It is one thing to take my aggression
out on a camp follower or someone from a conquered city, but not you,"
Sunhawk said.
"You wouldn’t Sunhawk. You never have." Shadow said,
holding up his hand to stop the protest that was forming on Sunhawk’s
lips.
"You didn’t at Soothbay either, if you think about it. You
didn’t hit me or hurt me at all physically, even though you could have.
You scared me and didn’t listen to what I wanted, but I think for both of
us neither one knew what was going on. Sunhawk you need to come home, not
rape helpless people that fall into your path or kill them." Shadow said
firmly, looking directly at Sunhawk.
"Shadow how can you believe in
me so easily? Especially when I can’t even believe in myself?" Sunhawk
asked helplessly at the resolution in Shadow’s eyes.
Shadow
shrugged. "I don’t know, maybe because I love you. You’re not a bad
person, I just have to wonder if you are really cut out for mercenary
work."
"The Hawks are the best mercenary group out there. How could
you say I’m not cut out for this type of work?" Sunhawk asked, confused
and a little angry.
Shadow noticed the large man’s shift in
attitude and wrapped his arms around the golden man leaning against his
shoulder trying to sooth him.
"I didn’t mean it like that Sunhawk,
you know that right?"
"Then what did you mean?" Sunhawk demanded,
turning his head to look at Shadow.
"You’re a great tactician and
have an amazing charisma that attracts people to you, but I also think
that deep inside you hate to kill. You lack the brutality of other
mercenary captains when you aren’t in battle, and I’m not the only one
that says that. If you didn’t mind killing you wouldn’t lose your memory
like you do or try so hard to limit the amount of people that die," Shadow
replied, kissing the shoulder he was leaning on.
"Daras ran the
Hawks just like I did, but he never lost his memories during a battle. I
remember one night drinking with him. We had just finished a bloody battle
and were taking a couple rest days before heading out. It was one of the
rare times I ever saw him totally drunk. He said that my loss of memories
was both a blessing and a curse. He passed out soon after saying that to
me and I could never figure out what he meant until now," Sunhawk replied,
looking at Shadow as he grabbed his hand.
"You may be right in a
way, I don’t think if I could remember the people I killed I could do what
needs to be done. Yet once the bloodlust rises in me I forget about
compassion and the fact I’m killing a person with a family and loved ones,
they just become the enemy. That bloodlust and focus on the battle removes
my compassion so I can fight and it blocks out the memories allowing me to
live without being racked with guilt. "
" Still, it is curse as
well because it also makes me a monster that people don’t want to be
around, and a risk to the person I care most about because that bloodlust
clouds my eyes. It is a blessing in that it allows me to do the job and
take care of the men under my command, a curse in that it made it
impossible to have a long term lover while I work."
"Until now,
Sunhawk," Shadow said, rising from the bed and grabbing the clothes on
Sunhawk’s lap. "I’m not afraid of you anymore Sunhawk. After last night
I’m sure that no matter what you remain you. Even if you rarely say it I
know you love me and that is a part of you whether you lust for blood or
not. Come home Sunhawk, and I will always be here to uncloud your eyes."
Shadow said with conviction as he leaned down to seal his words with a
simple kiss.
Next chapter