"Dai? Why are you dating me?" Jin asked quietly as he looked over at his almost naked companion lying next to him.

"Hmm, because you’re fun to be around. Despite your protests you’re incredibly smart and you’re so full of life and energy," Dai said after a moment as he rolled on to his side on the blanket to gaze up at Jin.

"So why are you dating me?" Dai asked curiously, wondering where the question had come from.

Jin snorted sitting up. "Because you let me. Want to go for another round?"

"No, but I’ll watch you," Dai answered after a moment.

Jin shrugged and grabbed his surf board to head out into the ocean, not realizing how close Dai was to giving in to him. They had been dating for over six months now and during that time Jin had turned his world upside down and sideways without even realizing it. Dai allowed the blond man to pull him into his wild world of surfing, fast cars, extreme sports and the most wild and crazy schemes that Dai had ever participated in. He spent every weekend with the man, putting his work firmly aside even when Jin didn’t. There had been more than one weekend he had spent watching Jin coax the most amazing photographs from some of the top idols and models in the entertainment world. Jin sparkled. That was the only word that could described the man’s charisma and charm. There was a light about him, a daring that made Dai immediately smile and want to give Jin his way, except for one thing.

Despite his unending pestering Dai had yet to give into Jin’s passion. Even after six months they had done nothing more than kiss, much to Jin’s disappointment. Dai knew from the first moment he saw Jin what was going on in his mind and with the help of his sister and Jin’s best friend Cho he knew for certain he couldn’t sleep with Jin until both of them were ready. He was intrigued by Jin but unsure of the mechanics of sex with him, nor was he willing to sleep with anyone he didn’t love. Now that he loved Jin he faced the entirely different problem of not knowing what Jin felt for him. He wanted Jin but only if the passionate man felt something more than the challenge of the chase and lust. Yet he also knew that Jin was reaching his breaking point and was becoming more and more desperate for something to happen between them. He knew he was being stubborn but he had never dated someone like Jin and was so very unsure of himself and the man he had come to love.

Dai watched Jin as he caught a nice wave, riding it with the ease that he did everything with. Dai felt a small prick of envy that was quickly followed by pride at his boyfriend’s skill. If nothing else Jin stood out among everyone else and when they were together they drew more than their fair share of attention. He watched with amusement as Jin was finally engulfed in water, ending his ride. Without any hesitation Jin went back out to try yet again undaunted by his failure.

When Jin finally returned with a huge boyish grin on his face and his bleach blonde hair flowing around him, Dai couldn’t help but stare in appreciation at the radiant man. Dai grabbed a towel and rose up to his knees as Jin dropped down on their blanket. Dai gently dried the man’s taunt body then picked up the suntan lotion, not willing to let the soft skin burn. Jin let out a pleasurable sigh as Dai began to work at covering the smooth and almost hairless skin with lotion.

"Um, I love this part. You take such good care of me," Jin said languidly.

"Well I do have an interest in keeping your body healthy," Dai replied lightly even as he felt Jin’s shoulders stiffen under his hands.

"Jin?"

"Why? It isn’t like you use my body or anything," Jin said tightly, his whole mood shifting in an instant.

"Jin, it isn’t that I don’t like you. I just..." Dai stopped, unable to fully explain the way he felt.

"Never mind," Jin said, standing up.

"Jin, please!" Dai said desperately as he tried to grab Jin’s hand as the man pulled it away.

"Jin do you love me?" Dai asked quietly looking at the ground afraid of Jin’s answer.

"I’m not talking about love," Jin snorted as he started to gather up his stuff.

"But I am," Dai whispered, knowing Jin didn’t hear him or the pain in his voice.

Jin whirled in his partner’s arms trying to lose his irritation. Dai had to finish up his latest book so he had closeted himself in his house leaving Jin alone. It was just as well. Being with the man had become a double edge sword that seemed to cut Jin as much as help him. He was everything Jin had never knew he wanted. Kind, considerate and powerful in his own quiet way. He indulged Jin in his every whim, arranging for dates that Jin knew were outside of his expertise with a speed that astounded Jin. All he had to say was he felt like surfing and the next day they were together Dai had found them the perfect beach with colossal waves and expensive boards ready for their use. Dai had cooked him sumptuous dinners during long weekends that he had to work and never complained when Jin had to cancel or work unexpectedly.

He had never had anyone take care of him so completely before, or make him feel so important with out suffocating him. Yet at the same time he had never felt so sexually frustrated in his entire life. Despite all his efforts he had been unable to get the elusive man into his bed. Another time he would have long since gotten rid of such a boyfriend but something about he way Dai looked at him always changed his mind. He was torn by a man that provide so exactingly for his emotional needs but ignored his physical needs, something that had always been paramount in Jin’s life.

Tonight was different, he was fed up with it. He spun again pressing up to the raven haired boy that vaguely resemble Dai not caring to even know his name only the fact the he was attractive and most of all willing unlike his boyfriend. He closed his eyes trying to will away the guilt he was feeling. It wasn’t as if he had promised to only date Dai. Sill he knew the man would be upset by his actions.

He whirled again surprised to see in the brief time he had his eyes closed his partner had change. He felt a large hand grip his lean waist lightly pulling him toward his new partner who was frowning fiercely at him.

"Jin, what in hell do you think you’re doing?" Cho asked severely.

"What do you think? I’m finally going to get laid," Jin retorted and sullenly looked away from the man.

He was rather surprised when Cho grabbed his upper arm and dragged him from the dance floor and started to pull him up to his office. Jin studied the man for a moment before deciding to let himself be pulled along instead of fighting. He didn’t know what Cho’s problem was, the man had never involved himself in Jin’s love life before.

He was surprised when he heard the lock flip on the door after Cho closed it and even more surprised when he felt himself slammed against the wall as the man’s mouth descended on his for a rough powerful kiss. Cho’s hand sliding down his body to his ass grabbing it firmly as the man pressed hard against him. Instead of feeling lust he felt a panic grip him at the unexpected forcefulness and strange behaviour of his oldest friend and sometimes lover.

"Cho, let go," Jin gasped, trying to push the man away.

"This is what you want. You want someone to fuck your ass and you don’t care who," Cho said harshly as his hand moved to Jin’s zipper.

"Stop! Damn it let go Cho," Jin said, his body tensing as he prepared to push the man away.

"I don’t think so. Isn’t this what you want? You want sex right?" Cho said, his hands stopping their movement as ice blue eyes stared down at him.

"Get off me, this isn’t what I want," Jin growled, pushing away from the man.

"Good remember that Jin and don’t fuck up the best thing that has happened in your life," Cho retorted, releasing him.

"What in the hell is with you? And what are you talking about?" Jin asked, wrapping his arms around himself.

"Dai," Cho stated.

"It isn’t any of your business," Jin snapped.

"Perhaps but I don’t want to see you throw something important away," Cho answered softly.

"And I believe it is my business," Ayako said, stepping out of the small private bathroom connected to Cho’s office.

"Ayako," Jin stuttered surprised to see the girl. She was the second to the last person he wanted to see him trying to pick up another guy.

"Well?" Ayako asked, arching a brow with her face unreadable as she moved over to Cho’s side.

"Look, me and Dai just don’t work," Jin replied, looking at the floor half angry, half flustered.

"What doesn’t work about it? I’ve seen both of you in here almost every week and it looks like you more than work out. I’ve never seen you date anyone for more than a couple of week yet Dai..."

"I’m fucking celibate Cho is what I am. He won’t do anything more than kiss me and I can’t take it anymore," Jin snapped angrily, not wanting to listen to how good Dai was. He already knew but it wasn’t enough.

"Have you asked him why?" Ayako asked quietly, her face unreadable.

"All he does is change the subject," Jin growled, feeling his frustration at the situation return.

"So change it back, you’ve never had any problems before expressing yourself," Cho said bluntly, leaning against his desk with his arms crossed.

"With Dai it isn’t that easy. He just looks at me sometimes and I want to pounce on him but he also is very good at keeping me at a distance. I’ve never had anyone refuse me before," Jin said irritated.

"Well he is straight he might be hesitant about what to do," Cho mused.

"No, it isn’t that," Ayako said just as Jin started to say the same thing. Ayako looked at him curiously and remained quiet not expounding on her denial.

"It isn’t that," Jin shook his head starting again. "Sometimes I feel like he really wants to go at it with me but he is holding himself back."

"Dai would never date you if he was unsure about something like that. I’ve seen you two together, Jin is right, Dai wants him sexually. That much I am certain about. My brother might have a good control on himself but he can’t hide what he is feeling from me," Ayako added.

"You know he asked me a lot about you when you two first started going out. I didn’t lie to him Jin," Cho said slowly after a few moments.

"What did you tell him," Jin asked uneasily.

"He asked about your relationships, about your dating habits. I told him you with a new partner every week because I didn’t want him to get his hopes up. I didn’t think you would stick it out with him" Cho said with a shrug.

"I didn’t think I would either," Jin sighed. "He can’t think that I after we have sex I will leave him. Can he?"

"Probably," Cho said with a shrug.

Jin slumped down into a nearby chair shaking his head. He just didn’t understand Dai sometimes. The man was far from virginal, despite his lack of partners and serious demeanour. His kisses, one of the few things he shared with Jin, were those of someone with great skill and passion. He wasn’t afraid to touch Jin having proved it countless time on the dance floor and off yet he was unwilling to go any further. It baffled him for there were countless time that he had felt as if Dai was just as desperate as him yet he held himself back. Was it possible that he was afraid of Jin’s past, of what would happen after? But the more important question was what would he do once he had gotten Dai into bed. Would he tire of Dai after he had gotten what he had wanted from him?

It was something he had never really thought about. He had never stuck it out with anyone as long as he had with Dai, most men where more than willing to bed him. Afterwards Jin always lost interest in them finding the excitement of the relationship diminishing after he had gotten his partner into bed. Yet at the same time he had never spent more than a few days in some cases hours with his partners. He didn’t know them beyond the curves of their bodies and the taste of their skin. He wasn’t losing anything by dumping them yet Dai was different. Jin wasn’t so sure that he would tire of the man. He enjoyed Dai’s company beyond the pleasures of intimacy, and was almost positive that even having the man sexuality would diminish his need to be with Dai.

"Jin, I’m honestly not sure what my brother is thinking about. But I do know that he doesn’t think of sex as something casual, he never has. I also know that Dai is serious about you, I really think he loves you. You really need to ask him straight up, what is going on. If I know one thing, if you ask him directly he will tell you," Ayako suggested.

"I agree. Jin, you really need to talk to Dai about this instead of picking someone up here," Cho said, seconding Ayako’s opinion.

"Yeah, probably," Jin said distractedly.

"Tell him you love him and get it over with," Cho suggested.

"You can’t be serious," Jin looked up in shock at Cho’s words.

"Of course I am."

"One of the first things you taught me was never tell someone you love them," Dai sputtered.

"Stupid. I meant if you didn’t love them. I meant never tell someone you love them to get them in your bed," Cho explained, exasperated.

"But you’re tell me to say it to Dai to get him into bed with me," Jin pointed out.

"Because you already love the man. Look, don’t argue with me Jin, I’ve known you long enough to know you’re totally besotted with Dai."

"You’re seeing things old man," Jin retorted, standing up abruptly.

"Just tell him Jin and get it over with before you lose him," Cho insisted.

"No, I’m not going to lie to him," Jin said stubbornly, his brows creasing in his irritation.

"Whatever, but if you don’t do something soon you’re going to lose him by either doing something stupid like you tried to do tonight, or him leaving you for someone not so emotionally challenged, " Cho said, pushing himself off his desk.

"It wasn’t stupid. We aren’t exclusive," Jin said defensively.

"Does Dai know that?" Ayako asked wryly.

"We’ve never talked about it before," Jin replied quickly.

"Well I’d say you two have a lot to talk about, now get out of my club for tonight. I’ll be damned if I’m going to watch you fuck up your life. Go do it somewhere else," Cho said standing over Jin.

"Cho, I’m not... never mind. I’ll talk to you tomorrow," Jin said, getting up avoiding looking at Cho’s sad face.

He was surprised when Ayako stopped him and wrapped her arms around him hugging him briefly. She let go to look up at him with a gentle smile that reminded Jin of her brother.

"I know it is been tough. Honestly I don’t think I would have had the patients you have had. Good luck," Ayako said, letting him go.

Jin half smiled at her tugging at a lock of her blue-black hair teasingly. He had really come to like Dai’s sister who had occasionally tagged along on their dates. He normally would have been resentful of such intrusions but Ayako was different. She was as much of free spirit as he was and Dai never seemed reluctant to show him affection even with his sister presence. Ayako had become a friend as much as Cho was and he liked her not just because of her brother but apart from his relationship with Dai. He was more than a little relieved that she was angry with him for his actions and mixed up feelings he had for Dai.

Jin walked down the stairs into club feeling all the fun of the night leaving him, not that he had really been into what he was doing in the first place. He wasn’t in the mood anymore to try to pick up anyone, not even his previous partner who was eyeing as he descended the spiralling stairs. Without even bothering to give the boy an excuse Jin left the club, walking out into the cool night air.

Getting on to his bike he started it up wondering where he should go. It was far too early for him to go home, especially since there wasn’t anyone going with him. He thought briefly of hitting another club but with Ayako and Cho’s words echoing in his mind he couldn’t work up any enthusiasm. Looking up at the cloudless sky that was bright with stars he sighed, closing his eyes and enjoying the cool night breeze while thinking about nothing.

Opening his eyes he started his bike and took off, knowing that there was only one place that he could go.

Dai sighed, looking at the computer screen as the words blurred in front of his eyes. It was past late yet he still wasn’t finished and despaired of actually making his deadline. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around his characters and get into the story line any more. Every time he looked at the semi-finished work he couldn’t help but feel it was lacking, as if his own worries and emotions were clouding his character’s world.

Removing his spectacles he leaned back in the chair and sighed. He was just too tired to think about the convoluted ins and outs of the story line and make sure everything made sense, let alone convey the emotions he wanted. Not only that, he found it was incredibly hard to concentrate with the problem of Jin loaming over his head. No matter how hard he concentrated he couldn’t get the man’s expression on the beach out of his mind. They had parted with Jin hardly even speaking to him and in the last four days he had heard nothing from him. No calls not even a text message despite the fact Dai had sent several and even got desperate enough to try to call him.

He didn’t know what he was going to do now. He simply wasn’t sure of Jin’s feelings and wasn’t about to sleep with anyone that didn’t love him. Lust wasn’t good enough, he wanted Jin to love him. He wanted to show Jin that there was more than sex than just the pleasures of the body, that if you loved someone the pleasure of the experienced was heightened. It was hypocritical in some ways for Dai to insist on this since just like Jin, Dai hadn’t been in love his first girlfriend when he they had sex, although latter he had thought he loved her. Yet his last girlfriend had taught his something valuable in her insistence that they wait. He wanted more than anything to teach the lesson to Jin. He wanted their first time together to be more than just physical.

It was becoming more and more difficult for Dai to know what to do. He debated with himself endlessly for he already knew more than anything that he was in love with Jin. He wanted to make love to him, and to let the man fully enter his life in every facet from his bed to his life and family. But he still continued to hold back afraid that Jin was looking at him as nothing more than a challenge that he wanted to conquer. That as soon as he slept with the man it would end. There were times that he thought that Jin loved him but there were times that he just wasn’t sure.

It was so hard to read Jin at times, they were both so different on many levels. Jin was never serious and was always playing, whenever Dai tried to draw him into a conversation about their relationship Jin seemed almost afraid. It wasn’t hard to guess that the man was afraid of commitment of having someone depend on him. Yet that is all Dai wanted, all that he knew. He just wasn’t good with casual relationships, he always found himself wanting to get closer to whatever person he was with, and Jin was no exception.

"Dai?" Came a voice from the hallway. "Damn which room are you in?"

Dai shook his head, knowing that his lack of sleep had finally got to him since he was hearing Jin’s voice. He stared at the open doorway, which had suddenly become filled with Jin’s presence.

"Have I ever told you that you look sexy without your glasses?" Jin asked lightly.

Dai remained silent, looking at the cause of his worries and concerns acting as though there was nothing wrong. He loved Jin for his playful childishness, yet after days of worry and doubt it just didn’t seem appropriate. He didn’t want things to end between them but at the same time he couldn’t ignore things anymore. This last week had made that more than evident to Dai.

"Why haven’t you answered my calls?" Dai asked quietly, his whole body tense.

"I’ve been busy, besides I knew that you need to work on your book. You know you look like hell," Jin commented, coming into the room to sit on the corner of Dai’s desk.

"I usually do when a deadline approaches. I don’t sleep much and I’ve slept even less this time around," Dai answered, rubbing the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes.

"Tough story?" Jin asked lightly, looking over at the computer screen.

"No, I’ve been worried about us," Dai said with his eyes still closed.

"Just because I didn’t answer your calls," Jin scoffed, anger tinting his voice.

"No, because I can feel it building between us. The misunderstanding, fear, inpatients, and anger. I could feel it at the beach with the shifting of your mood and yet I’m afraid," Dai said slowly, opening his eyes to stare at Jin sadly.

"Don’t forget lust," Jin said bitterly.

"That has hung between us since the first night, but I’ve wanted something else. Something more," Dai retorted.

Jin slide off the desk suddenly and walked around to lean down his hands gripping the arms of the desk chair trapping Dai in. Dai looked up into light brown eyes that conveyed so much without saying anything. For the first time since Dai had met the man he saw a seriousness and unhappiness that he had never seen before. This was an entirely different Jin than he was use to dealing with.

"Why won’t you have sex with me? Is it because I’m guy? A player? Are you afraid of me leaving you? Or is it simply you don’t want me?" Jin asked harshly.

Dai looked up in surprise, it was the first time that Jin had openly asked him so bluntly or with such a serious and intense expression. Suddenly he was at a loss for words, all his reasons seemed feeble and weak compared to such a force of emotions that Jin was exuding.

"Do you love me?" Dai asked quietly.

"Fuck, not that again," Jin growled, pushing away from the chair and turning his back on Dai.

"Jin?"

"Always avoiding the question, you never answer me!" Jin said, his back rigid and tense.

"Nor do you. Until you can answer that question then I can not answer yours," Dai said, standing up and walking over to Jin to touch the tense shoulder.

"That doesn’t make any sense," Jin said tightly as he shook off Dai’s hand.

"It does to me Jin. I said I want more, not just myself but for you as well. I’m scared I will make the wrong choice because I want you Jin. I really want you and I’m at my limit Jin," Dai said softly pleadingly. "Please just answer my question."

"I really don’t understand you Dai," Jin said turning to look at Dai his brown eyes almost black with emotions. "Do you want to have sex with me?"

"Yes, Jin. You can’t have not noticed every time I touch you how much I want you," Dai answered, a wry smile on his lips.

"Then what is the problem? I feel like we’re talking in circles, we are arguing about something we both want to do."

"Jin," Dai sighed, reaching out to touch Jin’s check and feeling the man’s frustration as if it were a palpable. "I love you and I want you to love me before I let you into my bed. There is a difference you know between love and sex. I want you feel that difference because I care about you."

"Dai, you want an answer I can’t give you," Jin said softly, shaking his head.

"Why not?"

"Because how in the hell I’m I suppose to know that?" Jin answered, his voice horse as he turned to walk out.

Dai knew that he couldn’t let the man leave, if he did Jin would never come back, of that he was sure. He quickly grabbed a hold of the man’s wrist pulling him toward his chest even as Jin sought to pull away.

"Stop that," Dai said firmly.

"Let me go."

"First you want me to have sex now you want me to let you go?" Dai murmured, leaning down to kiss the man’s head.

"You just said you won’t have sex with me until I ..."

"...know that you love me, yes I know. But you haven’t said you don’t love me only you don’t know what your feelings are. Have you never been in love playboy? " Dai asked.

"Shut the fuck up," Jin said finding himself flushing.

"Jin, do you like spending time with me?" Dai asked gently.

"Yes."

"Did you think about me this week?"

"Hell no, now let me go," Jin said, trying to pull away.

"Jin, I’m serious," Dai said, releasing the man.

"Why, are you asking me this?" Jin said, staring at him.

"Because I want to know what you’re feeling Jin. You said you didn’t know if you loved me but I think you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be so angry at my questions. I’ve never seen you so serious, Jin. I’ve never seen you so upset either," Dai answered as he slowly began to understand Jin’s feelings from the terse and unhappy replies.

"Yeah, well not having sex will do that to me," Jin shot back, crossing his arms and looking at Dai sullenly. "I don’t want to talk about this anymore."

Dai sighed softly, looking at his boyfriend with resignation. Jin was gifted in many areas but dealing seriously with emotions wasn’t one of them. Playfully, teasingly he might talk of love but Dai now knew that cheerful man might never admit those deeper feeling to him. Now without realizing it the tables had turned on him. Like Jin he now had to find the patients to wait for the man he loved to feel comfortable enough with him to speak those words to him.

More than likely it would drive Dai just as crazy to wait for Jin to admit his love for him as it had Jin to wait for Dai to make love to him. He couldn’t help but laugh at the thought as Jin looked at him in confusion which only made him laugh harder. When he finally got control of his fit of amusement at the situation Dai got up from his chair and walked over to Jin, casually draping his arms around Jin’s shoulders. He had found his answer tonight and even without words he was sure of Jin’s feelings for him.

"What?" Jin said warily.

"You win this time," Dai said, shaking his head and lowering his lips to Jin’s. He felt a deep relief wash over him as he moulded his body to Jin’s knowing everything left unsaid was flaring between their bodies.

"Where’s Dai?" Ayako asked as Jin pulled up a chair at her table sitting down with a grin.

"He’ll be here soon. He had to stop at his publisher’s before coming here," Jin answered snagging her drink.

"Hey, get your own," Ayako protested, punching him lightly in the arm and grinning. "Wasn’t the deadline yesterday?"

"Well, he didn’t make it," Jin said with a smug smile.

"You didn’t?!" Ayako gasped her eyes widening.

Jin remained silent with a broad grin as he winked at her. Before Ayako could replied Jin felt a familiar hand on his shoulder.

"He didn’t what?" Dai asked mildly, seizing Ayako’s stolen drink for himself.

"Get you into bed," Ayako said excitedly. "Congratulations, so how was it?"

"That isn’t a question I want to hear from my sister’s mouth," Dai retorted sitting down.

"Spoil sport, I’ll tell you how good Cho is," Ayako offered as Dai arched a brow. "You just don’t want to be embarrassed you novice, come on Jin how good is my brother?"

"I’ll plead the fifth," Jin laughed looking at Dai’s impassive faced.

"That bad," Ayako said, looking at her brother curiously.

"No that good," Dai answered with a sly smile that Jin had never seen before on his normally serious boyfriend.

Two sets of deep blue eyes turned to him studying him as Jin felt heat rise to his face. Suddenly Ayako started laughing rising to come around and lightly kiss Jin’s forehead.

"Be careful of what you wish for you might actually get it, Jin. I don’t think you’ll be sleeping for a while," Ayako added naughtily as she sauntered off.

Jin felt his blush deepen as he looked over at his lover the exact mischievous glint in his eyes that had been in his sister’s.

"Dai?"

"Afraid?" Dai asked amused.

"No, bring it on," Jin answered with a slight growl, marred by his bright blush.

"I plan to, in more ways than one," Dai smiled rising to hold out his hand to pull Jin out onto the dance floor.